Since last June, when I first announced it, I’ve posted updates on my health situation about once every six months. The last update was just three weeks ago, when the news was still good and I was clear of visible disease. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but since then there is bad news. There has been a return of nodules and growths. My doctor told me about it on May 24, a week and a half ago. The tiredness that I wrote about on May 15 was probably a symptom of it. We have decided on a second-line treatment (treatment after the first-line treatment has failed). It is another clinical study, and it will start this week.
So the “charmed” part of my life with pancreatic cancer is now over. It lasted from July 29, 2010 (the day of my first treatment, when I instantly began to get better) to May 2012. I am no longer the miracle man—though who knows, maybe I’ll become the miracle man again.
The night of the day I got the report I opened up the Book of Common Prayer, not looking for anything in particular, and it opened to a page that had a Gospel section, John 16:23-33. The passage opened up the meaning of prayer to me in a new way, along with other things that were very helpful for me in my situation. I may write about it later.
Last week (one week after he gave me the bad news) I asked my doctor what he thought of this statement: that if the treatment goes well and I’m lucky, I might live another two years. He said that was reasonable. My doctor is a cautious and conservative man. He told me that if it was not reasonable, he would have said so.
At the same visit last Thursday, when the doctor, repeating something we all knew very well, said, “Unfortunately, we don’t have a cure for pancreatic cancer,” I snapped my fingers and said, “Damn!” I guess if you can joke about your death you’re not in such bad shape.
LA (in Duluth, Minnesota), September 2004
Roger G. writes:
You’ll have to do it again. We don’t have a replacement for you.LA to Roger G.:
As with previous notices about my health, I wasn’t planning to post readers’ e-mails responding to it. I’m replying to them privately. But I’m making an exception for yours. I liked the way you just commanded or exhorted me that I have to do it again.LA writes (June 6):
A note on synchronicity. Here is the way I came to post the above photograph in this entry.June 5
Dave T. writes:
The bright side is that you’ll probably be leaving this madhouse sooner rather than later. For anyone who loves truth, hates lies, and understands just how deeply our world is run on lies—as you do—this world can seem almost unbearable at times. On the other hand, anyone who loves truth and hates lies is a child of light and can expect greater things on the other side.LA replies:
Very Socratic. That’s what Socrates says in the Phaedo, before he takes the poison.
Posted by Lawrence Auster at June 04, 2012 03:38 PM | Send