A new calendar, with new holidays, marking the ascendancy of America 2.0
Will VFR be observing the solemnities of St. Martin’s Day? If so, we should do so in appropriate fashion. Things have changed under the New Liberal Dispensation, and we need a calendar with all the liberal holidays on it and new appropriate ways to celebrate. First, MLK Day will be further elevated to St. Martin’s Day, the most important day of the year. People can dress up as King family members and, in staged pageant plays held across America, quarrel over how much money they will charge for the use of St. Martin’s name, likeness, and words. Christmas will become “Winterfest,” which will be celebrated by nothing special at all, including shopping. Let’s see how long Corporate America will sponsor that. Washington, Lincoln, and Columbus will all be tossed into a single bin labeled “Dead White Racists Day.” It will be celebrated by ceasing to use all electrical devices, books, mechanical forms of transportation, and anything else that comes from dead white racists. [LA replies: Will that include the English language? In which case the holiday will have to be observed in complete silence, and all activity in the country, including all media broadcasts and all e-mail transmissions in English, must cease.]
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The Fourth of July will be “Independence Except for Slaves Day.” It will be best observed by staying indoors to avoid random gunfire, and we can wear T-shirts with bullet holes painted on them to publicize the black-on-white War with No Name. Father’s Day must never be mentioned out of consideration for blacks, since so few of them have fathers. Instead of honoring fathers we non-liberals can celebrate by public displays of blank expressions and shrugging. Let’s have fun with this!
Mother’s Day will cease to be observed, except by blacks and Hispanics. It can be celebrated as “Free Pampers from Honkies Day.” Labor Day will be “Your Benefits Day.” Homosexuals will have a national “Twelve Days of Coming Out.” The holiday must go on seemingly forever, in order to symbolize the never-to-be-completed homosexual project of “coming out,” as well as the endless difficulty of attaining true sexual orientation equality. Instead of holding a Gay Pride parade that goes from point A to point B, the celebrants will march in circles going nowhere. [LA replies: Sounds very Dantean.] Memorial Day can be “Happiness through Selective Memory Day.” Think how much fun it will be to go around acting as though we can’t remember anything.
At every point liberalism has created an alternative culture, a dopplegänger universe of perversion, subversion, and lies which they think legitimates their cause. It’s time to recognize their takeover as official. Grant the liberals the cultural dominance they have achieved, so we can begin thumbing our nose at our new masters. Let the hilarity begin.
Michael S. writes:
My colleague at the office asked me the other day if I would be taking Monday off. At first I had no idea what she was talking about. I thought, “What — to celebrate the second inauguration of that punk?” Then I realized what she was talking about. She said something to the effect of, “I’m just pulling your leg.” It’s kind of a running joke with us, if you could call it that. (I wouldn’t.) I said, “That is not a holiday.” She said, “It is for me.” I said, “Well, whatever. It’s not a holiday.”
Posted by Lawrence Auster at January 18, 2013 07:38 PM | Send
As I said to my wife later, “He’s not God, he’s not the Mother of God, he’s not a saint, therefore it’s not a holiday. I don’t care what Congress sez. Congress doesn’t have the authority to declare holy days. We listen to the Pope, not Congress.”
Monday has been declared a casual business dress day in our office. I’m going to wear a tie anyway, on principle. I wonder if anyone will notice.