What do women want?
An e-mail group was discussing my recent article on
the transcendent. By this I mean the quality of the whole that is greater than the sum of its parts, that quality of things that cannot be experienced with the senses but that is the source of all true particular values that make up our culture (though false and evil values also have a transcendent quality to those who believe in them). As a concrete example of a transcendent value that our culture has lost, someone mentioned the custom of men opening doors for women. A member of the group, a twenty-year-old college student and Jewish immigrant from Russia named E., then told an amusing anecdote.
E:
I have a somewhat related story about this. I recently went out with a conservative girl who goes to my college.
When I opened doors for her, paid for her, and pulled out her chair, she was so surprised as if I teleported into 2005 Manhattan from the Middle Ages. After attempting to pull out her chair at a restaurant I was subjected to the following: “Don’t do that, it’s too much.” When I told her that I didn’t know she was a feminist, she responded (this is priceless): “I’m not a feminist, I’m an independent woman.” I had to bite my tongue not to start laughing. And I thought there’s no such thing as a conservative feminist. Oh well…
LA:
Well, you should have just explained to her that you were practicing transcendence.
Seriously, it’s a real problem. I can imagine a woman reacting against a man being overly solicitous. But if it was just the basic stuff of opening a door and pulling out her chair that she was objecting to, what is one to do? I guess there are ways of modifying the behavior, like opening the door, but not pulling out the chair.
E:
“Well, you should have just explained to her that you were practicing transcendence.”
Ha ha ha ha!! I literally roared with laughter when I read this. If I didn’t spend a considerable amount of money on her, the experience could’ve been described as simply amusing.
LA:
But isn’t it a mistake to have an expensive date (nice restaurant etc.) on a first date? You’re investing so much in something that may not pan out. Not to have a good time with someone, and to be spending a lot of money not having a good time with her, is a downer.
E:
The problem with girls of her background is that they are high maintenance. They expect the guy to spend considerable amounts of money on them.
A (female):
Well then why did she object when you did these gentlemanly things, like paying and pulling out chairs (that’s a nice touch)?
LA:
Yes, that is funny. She expects high maintenance, nice restaurant etc., but not gentlemanly behavior.
J:
It’s natural, she wants things to go her way in every respect. Everything’s done for her, just as she likes it, but she wants to be able to treat it as just her natural element rather than something some particular person is making an effort to do for her.
A:
This is a superb insight, J. I think you are right. It is kind of like wanting affirmative action and being considered specially but then not wanting attention drawn to any specific instance but have everybody act as if you got in the same as everybody else.
LA: Now we have the answer to Freud’s question. They want it all.
Posted by Lawrence Auster at October 19, 2005 12:49 AM | Send